A Wildwood Story

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” -Dumbledore

Awkwardness

Letter 31 {A Return}

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Dear Candace,

It’s been almost 30 weeks since my last letter. {Letter 30} It’s like I planned this!

I did not plan this. I plan nothing.

As I reflect on that last letter and our time at the ocean, it seems much more distant than 30 weeks. That’s what winter does to you. Winter keeps you in its winter grip, dimming memories of sunshine and warm. I miss warm. Please don’t console me with words of spring; I prefer being melancholy right now.

Here are the top things you need to know about the past 30 weeks, in case I’ve forgotten to mention them:

I’ve been reading more, so that’s a good thing. In fact, I just devoured Ann Rule’s The Stranger Beside Me so fast I’m still dizzy. At almost 500 pages, it’s no light read. I chose her book on Ted Bundy, convicted serial killer (who I knew very little about), over numerous piles of laundry and I feel I made the right choice.

Ann writes carefully, thoughtfully, honestly. She humanizes Ted as she grapples with what her friendship with him meant as well as her slow discovery that, unbelievably, he really was capable of and responsible for atrocious crimes. She compassionately brings the victims’ stories to light so they will not be forgotten or overlooked. I need you to read this ASAP so we can DISCUSS.

Following a somewhat dark (or at least sobering) thread, I also recently read Everything I Never Told You, by Celeste Ng. Even though the story is fictional, the relationships and scenarios described were very relatable. The real life ending left me alternately devastated and hopeful. It’s a book I’ll be thinking about for a long time.

It was fun times helping pull off a Bachelorette party for my sister Naomi. {Instagram picture here.} She’s getting married at the end of the month! Do I have a dress picked out? That would be a NO. I’m trying, though, I really am. I’ve tried on so many dresses the inside of dressing rooms have begun to feel like a familiar cell.

For the Bachelorette, instead of a fancy dinner at one restaurant, we visited three different small-plate style restaurants in St. Louis which was perfect; props to my sister Keturah for planning our destinations: Taste, Planter’s House, & Bridge. Before the party officially started, I managed to lock us all out of our hotel bathroom with a hot iron on inside. I’d been brushing my teeth at the time while wandering around (?) and had a mouthful of spit when I tried to get back in the bathroom. Why do hotel bathrooms need locks, anyway? We waited around in our finery, me with fuzzy toothpaste all over my teeth, until hotel staff came up to unlock the door, which was not awkward for me at all.

My insomnia is better and I’m SUPER thankful for that. It’s annoying to not be able to sleep well and soundly, and this experience has deepened my sympathy for people with chronic sleep issues more severe than mine. I’ve been working on a bedtime routine to aid in successful slumbers; I’ll have to share more about that. I feel like I’m concocting a magical sleep recipe every night, complete with a bunny eye mask-!

What else? I traveled a little. By myself to CO for a retreat, with the family to TX for hurricane relief work, to TN for holiday celebrations. I must’ve done a few other things, too, but now all I can think about is all that laundry I put off…

Thanks for reading; you’re the best-

Rachel

Letter 30 {Beach Bums}

Letter 32 {Don’t be Rash}

This letter contains affiliate links, which means if you make a purchase after clicking through one of my links, I may receive a {very small} commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting this blog! It means the world and a stack of letters to me.

Photo by Jeffrey Wegrzyn on Unsplash

Rachel Goes to a Coffee Shop

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It seemed straightforward enough. People do it every day, all the time. I’m a millennial; shouldn’t I be most at home in a coffee shop? Yet things rarely ever do go as I plan them.

I was there early, though not as much as I’d hoped because drying my hair took longer than it should have. I think my hair dryer of 10+ years has quite outlived it’s cost-per-use and needs to replaced. I think of this just about every other day when I am standing at the bathroom sink drying my hair. It shouldn’t take so long to get the job done. Have you seen my hair? I’ve seen BABIES with more hair.

I had perhaps an hour to write and look pensive before my morning commitments began, so into the coffee shop I walked, bag over my shoulder. I was further from home and rarely visited this particular place. While waiting in line to place my order (regular dark roast, please) I selected a pair of socks because I need socks and they were made with proper amounts of wool and cotton. It wasn’t until I was paying for them I realized the wool must be from Australia’s finest frolicking merino sheep because it cost nearly as much as the sheep. One doesn’t simply return coffee shop socks to the shelf when the hipster coffee shop barista is staring at you stroking them.

Here is the thing. This particular location seemed to be full of business professionals. There were lots of suits, lipstick, and clicking heels. Everyone appeared to be having an important breakfast meeting. Only a small percentage of patrons were students, moms-running-errands like me, or bearded men in plaids. A very small percentage, and mainly stuck in odd corners or along the window seating.

I chose a table next to a suited gentleman clicking away on his Mac with a Bluetooth device attached to his ear. When I sat down and sipped my coffee, I realized I needed cream. I returned with creamy coffee and began pulling out my planner, whereupon I remembered I needed napkins because I’d already dripped the coffee. After finding and placing napkins on my table and digging in my bag some more, it became clear I’d left my phone IN THE VAN. I stood up again, leaving my coffee and hoping no one would clear my table before I came back. It may have been my imagination, but as I left my table for the third time Bluetooth Suit did seem to be developing a nervous twitch.

At last, returning to the table with my security blanket {phone} and definitely cooler coffee, my bladder alerted me to its desperate need. I kept half my stuff there and ran to the bathroom, nearly knocking over a chair on my way. Once I returned and pulled out my Chromebook, I went to plug it in when I discovered…I had no outlet. The outlets were along the windows where the students and plaids were sitting. Did I dare risk getting up again to walk past my neighbor, who was now eyeing me sternly? I decided to stay until the last minute, when my battery was for real shutting down.

Five minutes later, I packed everything back up and shifted to the one available window seat next to a couple girls pouring over their study notes.

How anyone gets anything done in a coffee shop I have no idea at this point. However, this was my window of time and I was going to squeeze every drop out of it. I finished my cold coffee, sip by sip, writing out my thoughts, line by line, and then it was all-too quickly time to leave.

Goodbye, Bluetooth Suit. I know you’ll miss me.

Wait-I’m back I LEFT MY BOOK UGH.

Photo credit: Nafinia Putra and Jason Briscoe on Unsplash

 

 

 

Letter 25 {Freaky Friday Arm}

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Dear Candace,

I’ve been sleeping so much better lately so naturally it was time for a bout of insomnia.

The other night at 2am I woke abruptly, feeling odd. I quickly realized I couldn’t move my right arm! It was asleep, with that funny deadened sensation. This was not a usual occurrence. I moved positions, trying to stimulate my arm. It would not be stimulated. I sat up. My arm began to feel tingly, but still it would not go back to being my arm. I got out of bed and stood up, fully awake yet wondering if I was dreaming that my arm wouldn’t work. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and left for the bathroom. There, I googled “why is my right arm dead” and received terrifying answers about my heart. I did little pumping motions and tried squeezing my hand into a fist, well aware that these were not my preferred hours for exercising. Eventually, the feeling returned but not before I was fully freaked out. Upon my return to bed, I had to be careful about how I placed my arm so as not to let it fall asleep again.

And then I lay there for one hour forty-five minutes.

Finally realizing that my reassurances every 10 minutes of “I’ll be falling asleep any minute now” weren’t working, I turned on the phone light and grabbed my book off the nightstand. {That’s how I finished Hatching Twitter so quickly.}

Other things I did to pass the time: go potty and while walking through the dark kitchen, think about how horrible it would be to see a silent figure standing in the corner. Walk faster to the bathroom with the echoes of true crime podcasts filling my sleep-deprived mind.

Eventually, I was afraid all my tossing and turning in bed would bother Tom, so I finished the night {er, morning} in the living room. I felt mad at Jack and sad for Ev (you’ll have to read the book).

After 6am I crawled back in bed, mercifully sleepy and hopeful I could get in a couple hours of rest before taking Drew to his morning swim lessons. That 9am alarm was not easy to wake up to! But I rallied and rushed out the door as one does when life must go on.

In other news, the deer ate the new growth off my new hosta plants and now I hate them. Not the plants, the deer. It’s war.

Still sleepy,

Rachel

Letter 24

Letter 26

This letter contains affiliate links, which means if you make a purchase after clicking through one of my links, I will receive a {very small} commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting this blog! It means the world and a stack of letters to me.

Letter 20 {Turmeric Milk & Horse Sneezes}

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Dear Candace,

How is this Letter 20? Where have the last 20 weeks gone? June is almost here!*

Most evenings I make creamy, golden turmeric milk for the family about an hour before bedtime. It’s perfect on chilly evenings, but even with the increasing heat and humidity everyone still likes it served up hot! We sip our warm, comforting drink as a way of winding down before lights out. I’ve been trying to work on our evening and bedtime routines, and Pinterest promises me that not only will the health benefits of turmeric give us long life and super-powers, but it will also naturally encourage deep and restful sleep. Bottoms up!

The children and I visited a farm yesterday, where Hosanna had her first natural horsemanship lesson. The horses were beautiful and friendly, running up to us like eager dogs when we first arrived and stood at the gate, watching them. While Hosanna spent time with the horses, the boys roamed a nearby creek. It was so sunny and relaxing; we all enjoyed being outdoors. At one point I was sneezed on by a curious horse companion, who spray-painted my shirt with green splatters.

Afterwards I cleaned up and went out to dinner with my sisters, barely keeping my eyes open while slurping down a huge bowl of ramen. The ramen craze has hit St. Louis and it is a good one-perfectly delicious comfort food. The sisters pointed out that I did, indeed, get a wee bit sunburned. I don’t know how-I was covered in stuff. Meanwhile the teacher of the class looked fresh and brown when we left, even though she’d spent most of the day outdoors with the horses and I, barely two hours there, ended up burned, horse-sneezed and limp-haired. I guess somebody has to be the weak white one.

This weekend my plans are to rest, organize things, and make good food. And read-always read.

Have a good one!

Love,

Rachel

*In case you didn’t realize.

Letter 19

Letter 21

Letter 18 {Road-trips & Deodorant}

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Dear Candace,

Today the children and I drove the four and-then-some hours to my parent’s house. It went fine, except for all the usual roadwork (everywhere I go=roadwork) and that weird smell the van develops after housing boys for a couple hours. I’m always telling the kids, “Drink more water!” except for when we road-trip. Then I insist they dehydrate themselves so I don’t have to make numerous bathroom breaks. “Are you chugging that water bottle? Noooo!

I had to take a bathroom break for moi on this trip.

Also a stop at Starbucks. But I was fast. I used mobile order as soon as I arrived and by the time I walked in my order was ready and all the people standing in line glared.

This letter may not be very coherent, since my eyes and head are tired from being the only adult and having to concentrate so much today. My mom gifted me a massage from her friend, Ann, who is remarkably good at several different styles of massage therapy. This evening she gave me a therapeutic massage. It was relaxing and wonderful after a busy day on the road! I think I will sleep well tonight, even if I am sleeping in my little sister’s old twin bed.

As I relax here, writing to you and thinking about the day before I turn the lights out, I can hear my mom watching a nature documentary in the downstairs living room. I’m starting to recall all the things I forgot to pack, deodorant being the most notable item. I don’t have to wear it much in the winter, and with my brain being the sieve it is lately, I’m forgetting to incorporate it back into rotation. I always recall my neglect at the most awkward moments, such as when I’m getting a chiropractic adjustment, standing in line at the store, or being introduced to someone. All true scenarios which occurred this week.

I’m looking forward to a weekend with family (smelling good, of course, since mom already bought me new deodorant) and celebrating all the spring things: birthdays, Mother’s Day, time to be together outside, all the lovely things….mom’s documentary soundtrack is totally putting me to sleep now. The earth is so beautiful.

Much love,

Rachel

Letter 17

Letter 19

Letter 11 {Awkwardness & Poetry}

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Dear Candace,

There is an odd jumble of things I experienced this week, but I feel helpless in explaining them to you. I could talk about how, when asked by intelligent homeschooling moms, I couldn’t for the life of me recall which math book Caleb was in (Algebra? Pre-Algebra?), or what shoe size Drew required. Or there was the time I blindly drank out of my host’s cup at a dinner party, even after picking out my own vessel and beverage. She was very sweet and nice about it, not seeming to mind since we have shared food off each other’s plates before, but still. Drinking out of her straw was not the classiest thing I’ve done all week.

This has not been my classy week.

I discovered a lovely poem which you probably already have memorized, since you’re classy, but is new to me. When I read it aloud to Drew before his language arts lesson one day, he just looked at me stone-faced. He did not appear to appreciate my new favorite string of verses, or my passionate recitation. He is 10 and thinks farting is hilarious. I am 34 and drinking out of other adults’ cups. Suddenly we are sounding not so dissimilar. I digress-and here are the charming lines which somehow helped soothe all the oddities of this week:

The Nymph’s Reply to the Shepherd*
If all the world and love were young,
And truth in every Shepherd’s tongue,
These pretty pleasures might me move,
To live with thee, and be thy love.
Time drives the flocks from field to fold,
When Rivers rage and Rocks grow cold,
And Philomel becometh dumb,
The rest complains of cares to come.
The flowers do fade, and wanton fields,
To wayward winter reckoning yields,
A honey tongue, a heart of gall,
Is fancy’s spring, but sorrow’s fall.
Thy gowns, thy shoes, thy beds of Roses,
Thy cap, thy kirtle, and thy posies
Soon break, soon wither, soon forgotten:
In folly ripe, in reason rotten.
Thy belt of straw and Ivy buds,
The Coral clasps and amber studs,
All these in me no means can move
To come to thee and be thy love.
 But could youth last, and love still breed,
Had joys no date, nor age no need,
Then these delights my mind might move
To live with thee, and be thy love.
♥
Not to be dramatic, but I think I’ll read The Nymph’s Reply to the Shepherd every day for the rest of my life,
Rachel
*This, after The Passionate Shepherd to His Love which you must also read